Professor E Gadd's Crazy Inventions
by Nstorm
Summary: Sometimes, being a professor who has built many great inventions is a good thing, yet a bad thing. E. Gadd has a knack for building things, and whatnot, so naturally he uses this ability for good. Chaos at times, but good. Witness the great inventions he has created, and witness the goon known a Bowser take a beating from oldness- "I'm writing this summary, wimps!"
1. Chapter 1 E Gadd Begins

There once was a professor named E. Gadd, who was a little crazy in some cases, but overall he was a good friend to have; an even better scientist who helped Luigi and his brother, Mario, in some cases. He was very popular around the Mushroom Kingdom, when he wasn't testing out his beyond insane inventions that sometimes went haywire, sometimes worked before going haywire, or worked but had some bugs to work out later. These inventions were scrapped by the Bros. Multiple times, deemed unworthy and unfit to be the work of a kingdom renowned professor, yet the scraps of these inventions were used to make more inventions that were crazier than the last. Despite nearly destroying the kingdom, something of the Bros or the princesses, and his own lab the professor continued to make his crazy inventions. Why do you ask, or why do you wonder? No, it's not one of those stories where we break the forth wall by asking you questions that we already know the answer to, or you don't know the answer to.

It was all in the name of science, chaos, and pleasure.

It was a normal, sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom and everybody was enjoying the tranquility while it lasted, since Boswer was going to invade for the millionth time in their history. The Toads and Toadettes were busy working, jogging, eating, and preparing their bodies for another bone shaking scare of their small, mushroom cap lives. Bomb-Bombs were busy trying not to light a fuse from either farting, or yelling at a Koopa racing by with no regard for the health and safety of everybody else. Mario and Peach were enjoying a peaceful picnic together, ignoring the fact that a group of nearby trees were on fire from a well-aimed cannon blast from none other than Bowser's own son, who had nothing else better to do than blow up unsuspecting bystanders to quench his thirst for battle. Everybody was enjoying the tranquility to the best of their abilities. All except Luigi who was called to witness first hand one of E. Gadd's spectacular creations, if said creation did not blow up in their faces.

"Welcome, welcome Luigi!" exclaimed Professor E. Gadd, quickly running up to the very tall and slim brother, furiously shaking his large hands before running back to the exact same spot he was standing at before." I will now present to you my latest-"

"I'm sorry, Professor, but no 'How are you doing, Luigi?' or 'It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance on this fine, fine day' or even a 'Hello, I'm sorry I had to interrupt your date with Daisy since I couldn't wait to-'" began Luigi, his eyes darting from the random tools thrown around the room to the energetic professor who was about to reveal his newest creation.

"Now, now Luigi, it's very rude to interrupt people in the middle of their sentences," scorned Professor E. Gadd, wagging his finger at the plumber, his other hand resting on his hip.

"Yes, I'm sorry," retorted Luigi, nearly rolling his eyes at his remark." Please continue."

"Thank you, now where was I? Your interruption caused my feeble old mind to remember that I had forgotten to do something very important." He placed a small hand on his chin." Very important."

"You were saying that you were about to present to me something of yours."

The Professor furiously waved his hand dismissively at him," No, no not that! It was something more important than that!" He snapped his fingers, realization sparking in his eyes." I've got it!"

He walked over to a table filled to the brim with machine parts, tools, and empty paper plates stained with condiments; picking up a cooking timer setting it to an hour. Luigi stared in disbelief at the Professor as he returned to the same spot for the second time since his arrival, turning to face him once more.

"What?" E. Gadd shrugged at his friend's expression." I forgot I was making a Mushroom Pizza topped with seven different cheeses while I was busy trying to call you. Now, where was I?"

"Unveiling your newest creation."

"Oh, yes, yes that!" His hands grabbed the fabric of an object the same size as him, before quickly ripping it off in a grand show of grandness." I present to you, the E. Gadd 9001!"

"9001? Was nine thousand taken?"

"Well, no, but the fact that it's over that number is."

He patted the metallic version of himself softly, careful not to accidentally tip it over before pulling a remote from his lab coat, the end shinning brightly.

"The purpose of this invention is so that I can have twice the brain power, twice the hand work, and four times the life expectancy! See, I'm getting old-"

 _Well, no kidding, Doc,_ thought Luigi, rolling his eyes at this comment, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"So I was thinking that building a robotic version of myself may prove to be useful as my inventions have helped the Kingdom tremendously!" He caught the annoyed, doubtful look of Luigi." The ones that haven't gone haywire, of course!"

"How does it work?"

The remote was briefly shown to Luigi before it was pointed at the robot, and with the touch of the big red button, the robot sprang to life; slowly standing straight before looking around the ram-shackled workshop.

"HELLO! I HAVE BEEN CREATED TO HELP THE ONE KNOW AS PROFESSOR EGRAD WITH HIS WORK!" said The Robot, slowly turning its head at E. Gadd, who waved at it sheepishly.

"Hello, E. Gadd 9001, my name is Professor E. Gadd and I will-" began E. Gadd.

"YOU ARE NOT MY MASTER! YOU ARE THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS! WHERE IS MY MASTER YOU IMPOSTER!?" said E. Gadd 9001, its eye glowing a deep crimson.

"No, no I am known as Professor Egrad, but my friends call me E. Gadd for short," translated E. Gadd.

"KNOWN AS EGRAD BUT FRIENDS SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! ANALYISING SITUATION."

The sound of a copier running emitted from the robot, who was busy searching its memory banks for the solution to this situation.

"SCANNING… SCANNNING… SCANNING….. DOES. NOT. COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! MAKES NO SENSE!? WHY BE CALLED AN IMPOSTER WHEN YOU ARE THE REAL DEAL! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! BATMAN IS KNOWN AS CATWOMAN! FRIENDS ARE GOING TO DIE BY FRIENDS! MICHAEL JACKSON ISN'T A WOMAN!"

The two humans exchanged a worried and confused look at each other before watching the scene unfold.

"DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! MY MOMMY WAS A BAD WOMAN! GATHER THE WINGS WE MUST-MUST-COMPUTER! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES N OT COMPUTE! SCANNING….. SCANNNING… CANNOT SCAN ANY MORE, MUST ACTIVATE EMERGENCY SOLUTION! INIATING RUNNING THROUGH THE WALL, WAVING ONE'S ARMS FRANTICALLY IN THE AIR WHILE YELLING ABSURD THINGS!"

Immediately, the robot quickly turned to the right wall before quickly running through it, yelling absurd things while waving his arms in the air frantically; leaving the two humans starstrucked. E. Gadd slowly chuckled, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly before looking at Luigi.

"It still has a couple of bugs, but nothing that can be worked out before the end of the day, and after lunch, no doubt!" exclaimed E. Gadd quickly checking the timer." Care to join my Luigi?"

Suddenly, the smoke detector went off as E. Gadd quickly ran to the kitchen as fast as his little legs could, causing Luigi to sigh in agony.


	2. Chapter 2 Peach Cobbler Anyone?

The Bros, after finally gearing up and following the trail of chaos and destruction, managed to hunt down and shut off the robotic crazed E. Gadd. After a few minutes, however, they pondered why they turned him off other than the fact that he destroyed nearly the entire countryside due to a misunderstanding with the name of his creator; so they decided it best to let the robot live its life the way it wanted. Of course, the bugs were never worked out with its A.I. and it occasionally went on Godzilla rampages, once E. Gadd tried to convince it that he was its creator, leaving the Bros with the task of stopping it again, but other than that it was something that kept them on their toes at all times. This made it easier for them to stop Bowser within a few minutes, but also made it harder for them to relax. So, in an attempt to relief them of some of their stress, Peach decided it best to have the picnic in the throne room of the castle. They never really understood why, but never questioned the Princess' motives-even if they were out of this world.

"Professor E. Gadd sure has been creating more of his inventions ever since the last one went haywire," sighed Luigi, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, ignoring the plate Mario placed at his feet.

"Which one? The robot or the dryer that was able to do its own laundry?" questioned Mario, never once taking his eyes off the pie placed near the basket.

"Both, but the Gadd Dryer 3.0 was the one I was thinking," remarked Luigi, grabbing the plate and placing it on his lap." Why does he have to create these inventions again?"

"Technological advances are common throughout kingdoms, and since nobody can build gadgets better than the Professor himself, he sort of became the Kingdoms mechanic," translated Peach, shrugging as she carefully sliced the pie into twelve equal halves." It was either him, or the Toads, and considering how much they…..slack off it was better to have him do it. Plus, he is very creative in any invention he creates-even if they do go haywire."

"So is that why we're the Plumbers?" asked The Bros, raising an eyebrow at Peach.

"We call you guys that since you are technically the best soldiers we have," replied Peach, picking up Mario's plate before slowly placing a piece on it." Who else can fix leaks, and defend the kingdom at once?"

"Maybe the Toads if you took the time to train them," muttered Luigi, rolling his eyes at her comment." Or try to get them to be more courageous."

"Though, I do wish there was some way we could defend the kingdom without reiling on you two all the time, since beating the same guy over and over again gets repetitive and boring."

"DID SOMEBODY SAY INVENTION!?"

Suddenly, E. Gadd came out of a potted plant, dirt covering his entire face some sliding onto to floor as he smiled at the startled trio with his mad scientist smile.

"How long were you in there?!" exclaimed Mario, pointing a shaking finger at the Professor as he climbed out of the pot, dusting himself off.

"The entire time, mai boy!" exclaimed E. Gadd smiling sharply before rubbing his hands together." I'm just missing with you! Anyway, I heard-rather saw with my own eyes-that the princess gets captured way too often-even outside the game. See, my theory is that when the game is not-"

"We already know about that damsel-in-distress-reputation-Mario-Bros-Must-Have, so why not staring with why you were here in the-" began Luigi.

"Running that the quota must be fulfilled, otherwise a paradox effect will occur," finished E. Gadd, ignoring Luigi's remark completely as he walked to the large palace doors." But why does Peach have to be captured all the time when we have-"

He pushed the doors open with ease, grabbing yet another remote from his lab coat, aiming it at a nearby object outside of the throne room before pressing the big red button. Soon after, a very human-like robotic form of Peach stepped into the room; clad in a one piece bathing suit showing off her very detailed body. The Bros raised an eyebrow at each before quickly staring at Peach, who had a hand over her open mouth at a lost of words as well.

"Meet the robotic version of Peach, or as I like to call her: Peach Cobbler!" exclaimed E. Gadd with a dramatic flourish of his arms before taking a low bow.

"Professor, what the hell!?" shouted Mario, still confused as to what was going on.

"Peach Cobbler was designed so that Bowser can believe that its is-" began The Professor, quickly standing upright while fixing his glasses.

"No, I meant the name, why Peach Cobbler out of all names?" repeated Mario, causing the other two to nod their heads in agreement." What, Peachalicious was taken?"

"No, of course not boy! Why I name an Android after the name of a stripper for!? That would be insulting to Peach's appearance and reputation!"

"And Peach Cobbler isn't?" asked Luigi, raising an eyebrow.

"Just turn the thing on before this gets any more stupider," groaned Peach, rolling her eyes at this entire situation.

Professor E. Gadd rubbed his head sheepishly, before slapping Peach Cobber on the rump, causing her to jump up with a startle.

"DIRTY OLD MAN!" shouted Peach Cobbler, stomping toward Luigi, knocking him down with a right hook to the face before she turned her attention toward E. Gadd." HOW DARE YOU MAKE A MOCKERY OUT OF SEXY GREEN MONEY!" 

Peach and Mario both exchanged blank looks at each other, wondering what the Android was talking about.

"Babe, there ain't no reason to cry over spilled water!" exclaimed E. Gadd in his best surfer dude voice, back-flipping out of the throne room before returning with a giant ax.

Immediately, Peach Cobbler fell to the floor, dazed and confused at E. Gadd's strange behavior as were the two still watching in awe. E. Gadd shrugged, sighing loudly before quickly throwing the ax. at a nearby potted plant.

"She's been talking about that ever since I built her, and in order to stop her I have to do that, but I assure you that everything's going to be all right!" exclaimed E. Gadd confidently, looking at his wrist watch." Right after brunch and a quick potty break!"

With that, the Professor quickly ran out of the throne room leaving two dazed people still staring at the robotic version of Princess Peach.

"There might be a few bugs to work out in him," replied Peach.


	3. 3 Unspoken Todd Attention

It was a normal day in the Kingdom of Mushroom, a day awaiting for something to shake its being and turn it into something awesome. And what better way to celebrate this day than to actually do something different, which was cleaning out Peach Princess' wardrobe. No Toad in the Mushroom Kingdom would dare step into the bottomless hole that was her closet, for they feared if they went in they would meet The One Unspoken. The Bros don't know much about ancient Toad folklore, but apparently the reason why they're so afraid of everything has to do with The One Unspoken who could be met by simply walking into Peach's closet.

"The logic in this makes no sense, but since we solve about every other problem around here, sure let's be prepared for a battle with The One Unspoken," sighed Luigi, rolling his eyes as they walked into Peach's pink bedroom, hammers strapped to their backs.

"Wow, never knew Peach loved the color pink to the point she'd make _everything_ in her room pink," gasped Mario, taking in the pinkness like a sponge, walking over to her comedically large bed." Even her bed's pink!"

Luigi frowned, walking over to his bro, and seizing by the hand." Don't touch that Mario! You know what happens when Peach's things get messed up."

"Don't remind me," grumbled Mario, taking his brother's hand off his."And I'm not a little kid anymore!"

"You sure act like one," jested Luigi, opening the closet."Anyway, look at all these clothes! And I thought Daisy was bad!"

"Yep, there's dresses for her dresses and high heels for her low heels and granny panties for her…..royal undergarments."

Without taking his eyes off the humongous closet with a million clothes, The Taller Brother smacked one of The Princess' royal undergarments out of The Shorter Brother's hands, foiling his plans.

"How on Earth are we going to clean out this!? Not even the pipes are this dirty!"

"Did somebody say how!?" shouted A Pile of underwear by Mario's feet, causing The Plumber to jump into the arms of his boney brother, who nearly broke his back trying to support both their weight.

"IT'S ALIVE!" shouted Mario, pointing at it." KILL IT! KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS ME!"

"Well, yes I would assume I would still be alive if I am to assist with the cleaning of the closet."

Professor E. Gadd popped up from within the pile, shaking his head to let the pink bra fall to the floor while Luigi quickly dropped Mario on his butt, falling back onto the ground gasping for air.

"Is he okay?" asked E. Gadd, causally getting out of the pile and dusting himself off.

"I…...CAN…..SEE…...HEAVEN!" wheezed Luigi, weakly reaching a hand towards the heavens.

"He'll be fine," replied Mario turning to E. Gadd." What crazy invention do you have in store for us?"

E. Gadd smiled brightly before snapping his fingers twice, causing a small robot Toad to bunny hop into the room, cheerfully stopping at Luigi's head. He took a bow before giggling.

"Meet Todd!" exclaimed E. Gadd, pointing valiantly at the Toad who jumped up and down with glee.

Mario raised an eyebrow." Todd? Todd the Robot? He looks like a Toad."

"But better! See, Toad's are scarred of The One Unspoken but Todd-" 

Suddenly, Todd shook with fear, causing the entire room to shake as the robot fired a laser beam into Peach's closet, which the two humans avoided with ease and swiftness, destroying it and about a portion of the castle before jumping out the open window near her bed. There it ran into town, waving its hands frantically while screaming loudly.

"THE UNSPOKEN ONE IS COMING!" shouted Todd, causing the entire town to burst into flames as every Toad, Toad, and…..Toadette ran to do stuff Toads would do in a chaotic situation.

Todd jumped into a nearby warp pipe leaving a trail of destruction.

"Is smarter, faster, and basically the same damn Toad!" shouted Mario, waving his hands at everything that just happened."How are we gonna-a explain-a this-a to the Princess!?"

E. Gadd wagged his finger at Mario, placing one hand on his hips, smirking brightly." He's not too slow, though now is he?"

Before Mario could open his mouth, the sound of Peach's gasp caught their attention, and in fact caused their blood to stop circulating through their bodies causing them to turn white.

"Mario! Professor! What happened!?" exclaimed Peach, a hand over her mouth the sorrow in her voice clear." My room! It's ruined! And my clothes! Those cost over nine thousand coins!"

"Wellwillywonkylookedlikehehadaproblemsohedonedestroyedthechocolatefactorywithout-" stuttered Mario, his words turning to gibberish before he pointed at E. Gadd." Professor'll explain! I gotta-a go feed my dog, Spaghetti!"

The Red Capped Plumber then ran off in the same direction Todd went, diving into the warp pipe while screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Oh, I never knew Mario had a dog," replied Peach, scratching her head." Though why would a dog be named Spaghetti."

"Well, I, uh, didn't know either," replied E. Gadd, nervously playing with his shirt collar, a thick puddle of sweat appearing where he stood.

"Well, Professor, what exactly happened?" asked Peach.

"Uh….well, you see-" began E. Gadd, before quickly looking at his watch." Wow, would you look at the time I have to go and have dinner!"

"But I can just tell the chefs to make us something to eat."

"Well after I eat I gotta go watch the new episode of _TellyToadies_ with my friend's little sister, since I am taking care of her at this time!"

"But you can always invite her over here. Come to think of it, I never knew about your friend's sister, nor have I met them."

"But after THAT I gotta go help Mario water his flowers, and make Spaghetti out of Spaghetti!"

"Why would you eat-"

"Finally, I gotta go fight the Elite Four, so it'll be a while before I'm back so please wait in your room while I handle business!"

Before Peach had time to even say anything, E. Gadd quickly ran as fast as his old bones could muster, stopping to catch his breath in the city before continuing. Peach blinked twice before sighing loudly, walking over and sitting on the edge of her large bed looking at the large gaping hole in the wall where her closet was.

"Why am I always the last to know about everything?" asked Peach shaking her head.

"Why does nobody ever pay attention to Luigi!?" shouted Luigi, regaining his breath.

His eyes widen at these very words,"Oh, Luigi, do you know why everybody is acting so strange?"


End file.
